Week 5

This week I have chosen to reflect on something that came up in IPR. In talking within the group this week, it once again became very clear to me that a good support system is so important. I took the weekend to look again at the support system that I have put in place around myself.
While at CPE this summer, we have been thrown together somewhat haphazardly as a group of students who are all learning their own lessons in their own way and at their own pace.
It was mentioned this week that I look confident and in control of what I was doing. This gave me some pause for thought. I began to wonder if I only appeared confident or if I really was that confident.
I came to the conclusion that I am certainly not completely comfortable with all I’m doing, and I certainly don’t feel in complete control. I don’t feel that I know everything, or that I am particularly confident, so what is it that causes that appearance? What I came to realize is that things wouldn’t appear, or even be so without a whole lot of help. I have to recognize and give credit to the fact that I have a strong support system. While involved in the field ed. program, I learned after a number of terrible experiences, how to make it through. What I needed then and what I continue to need is to surround myself with people who may know more than me about what I’m doing, who may be in the same position I am in, as well as people who can support me and cheer me on when I’m getting dragged down. In that experience, this group of course included some of the other students, but for me, it also included good friends outside of my program, as well as my family, and my parish priest.
Wondering how it is that I feel or at least appear as balanced as I do, I remember that I do purposefully spend some time in conversation with the others in our class, but I also purposefully call on others from my support team when I get home to unload, or I spend an hour or so with my husband telling him about how the day went. I also try to spend 30 minutes or so each week with my priest and mentor discussing how things are going, and what is impacting me. I’m not sure I could feel as sure of myself without these people in my life.
I have developed and used this team strategy for a number of different things that I do. As I mentioned, it became very clear in Field Ed. that I needed this however it is also a tactic that I employ within my youth ministry work as well. As a large team, one of the biggest things I insist on when we meet as team leaders, as well as via email when we can’t be face to face, is to support each other , to hear what the other is struggling with, to offer support in prayer, listening, or even in suggesting how we have dealt with similar problems.
I have come to see that team work is always the best approach to anything. As we commonly hear at CPE, we need to collaborate with the other staff. I think that means that we also need to spend a great deal of time collaborating with each other as well. We spend a great deal of time talking about how we need to spend time talking to nurses and other staff members about patients, but we haven’t spent any time talking about how we can collaborate with each other.
In spite of my awareness that I need to do this, I wonder, as perhaps everyone else may, if this is even permitted. I can’t see why it wouldn’t be, but maybe we need to be clearer about the fact that it is not only ok, but also a supported and encouraged behaviour.
While I may have appeared very calm and put together surrounding worship, I attribute that to having a few others look it over, suggest changes and spent time re-working it before having to stand in front of others to ‘do’ it. The same thing happened with my group on T1. I came up with the initial outline, asked for feedback and advice, re-worked, and by the time the group came, the only thing I was stressed about was whether or not the youth would show up.
I have learned that although sometimes asking for what I need is awkward and uncomfortable, it sure works. I have learned to be more open about my needs. No one knows what I need better than I do, and no one can help if they don’t know what I am in need of.
I think that not only a strong support system, but also the willingness to ask for help, and take it when offered will be an enormous help to me in my future. It has not only helped in my relationships, in my youth ministry, as well as in CPE, but I anticipate that it will be very helpful in parish work as well. Not only will the idea of collaborating with members of the congregation alleviate some pressure, having a strong support system of other clergy, friends, and family will be a priceless asset to keep me grounded, strong, and healthy. Without those things, I recognize that I won’t be able to be what I need to be and what I’m called to be to others.



“Asking for help does not mean that we are weak or incompetent. It usually indicates an advanced level of honesty and intelligence.” - Anne Wilson Schaef