So last week seemed like it went on for a year. It's now Sunday, the week is fresh and new, and I've had a day to process all I've learned in the last5 days.
Grab yourself a coffee, and a snack and curl up,this one is going to be a long one - fair warning!
So Monday started a little earlier than usual. Instead of heading to my office to get my week organized and things in place for the rest of the week, I headed to the local legion. I arrived knowing no one. The reason? I was going to be an adult facilitator for "Challenge Day". If you've not heard of this, check it out at www.challengeday.org This is one of the most amazing things to experience! If you ever have the opportunity to attend - GO!
Anyway, so I arrive, knowing no one, and as the info session begins, I become more and more skeptical. The 2 men leading this, Jon and Vinny, are from California. I wasn't confident in their having anything in common with rural Ontario, but stayed open-minded and hoped for something amazing.
We were asked to form a 'soul train' line to greet the grade 10 high school students as they entered. I didn't want to admit I had no clue what 'soul train' was, so I followed the pack.
The look on the students faces when the doors opened, and they saw a bunch of adults dancing and acting particularly strange was priceless.
I can't go into detail about what went on because of confidentiality, but what I can share is this.
I learned that there is more hurt and pain in our rural grade 10 class than I ever dreamed of.
I learned that most of these kids have seen more in their 15 years than I have in my 30+.
I learned that my life is a walk in the park in comparison to some.
I learned that tears of compassion are a virtue and not something to be ashamed of.
I was amazed by these students, how they confessed wrongdoing (apologized), how they asked for forgivness (I want to stop this), and how they reconciled (agreement and hugs the currency of the day).
Although there was not one mention of God, or religion all day, He was there. He was there in the tatoos on Vinny's arm of the virgin Mary, and the word "blessed". He was there in the reciting of the Golden Rule, even if they had no idea what they were saying. He was there in the tears of grief and in the tears of compassion. God was present in every hug, every embrace, every high five. What a day!
That day left me on a high for the next 2 days.
Wednesday was "Feild Ed" class. The week prior to this we took a feild trip to the funeral home. Class this week was discussion about funerals. What we thought of the things said at the home, what we thought about funerals for ourselves, and an attempted debate between the ideas of burial and cremation. This was not amazing in itself, but what followed that evening was extraordinary.
Wednesday night, I was invited to attend a re-internment process. Somewhat reluctantly, yet with a strange sort of excitement I decided to go.
Thursday was the day I was to attend this, and I made my way out to the cemetary. This particular cemetary was sitting on a hill above a river. The river was erroding the hillside, and a number of plots needed to be re-located. The process of retrieving the bodies of those burried there was left to the experts. I was there to observe not only the exhumation of the bodies, but also to observe the way one would perform a re-internment ceremony.
I watched with facinaton, as the staff expertly dug to a safe point with a backhoe, then jumped in with shovels to extract remants of a disintegrated coffin, and the bones of the deceased. I won't go into any more detail than that here, so you can feel safe to keep reading.
Once all of the pieces were retrieved, we moved to re- bury him in another location.
I have to tell you, the most amazing Holy Spirit moment was when the wind picked up, and the leaves started to fall. It was like it was snowing leaves, and apparently something similar had happened earlier when they had done other plots.
I was, at first, afraid of what I would experience. I didn't feel that I handled death well, nor was I prepared for what I was about to see or experience.
Not only did I manage to stay the afternoon tear-free, I found I enjoyed it. I actually enjoyed being a part of this experience and the peace I was filled with in being there.
I can hardly wait to go back this week to finish it off!
Friday was U2harist. Stepping out of my comfort zone to dance through the Cathedral with a group of youth I didn't know, was amazing! Add to that, one of my youth offered to do a reading. I wasn't sure of her ability, but she did great. Amazing what happens when you let go of control and allow the Holy Spirit to take over!
This week coming is a reading week for me. I was looking forward to resting a bit, unil I realized I have 3 papers, a group project and an exam due when I return! Instead of resting this week, I will be spending a lot of time with my nose in the books. Oh well, I have learned so much in 6 weeks, who knows what will happen this week!
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
Thanksgiving Already!
So, the time has finally come... it's Thanksgiving! While that, for most people, means turkey and cranberries, for me it means that we are 1/2 way to Christmas! And that means 1/2 way to the end of term! I am so incredibly amazed at how far I have come in just a few short weeks!
Add to that, I have been doing very well on my weekly Hebrew tests, and you have a reason to give thanks and throw a party!
Thanksgiving at my house, will be un-traditional this year. We will mark the weekend by doing laundry, cleaning, and restoring the house since none of that has been done since school started!
I'm thrilled to have everyone home for 3 full days where we will ALL pitch in and set things right again. We will do the usual church on Sunday, and to add to all the things to be greatful for, we've been invited to the farm for dinner on Sunday (so there will be some traditional elements!)
I'm so blessed to have so many wonderfully supportive people in my life.
In amongst all that fun and resoration, I do still have papers to write and tests to study for, but I know that this weekend will be filled with happiness, togetherness, and love.
This Thanksgiving I have so much more to be grateful for!
Add to all the usuals, my family who are doing just great at helping to look after each other when I'm away, my new friends at school, my super great supportive teachers, my new reliable car (which btw is only costing me $30 in gas a week!), all the wonderful youth, and friends who have offered to help out when we've been in a pinch, good grades (so far), the fact that I have managed to miss the illness running rampant through my classrooms, and the all around sense of peace I feel.
May we all be blessed this holiday with God's grace, a bountiful harvest, and loved ones to share it all with!
Add to that, I have been doing very well on my weekly Hebrew tests, and you have a reason to give thanks and throw a party!
Thanksgiving at my house, will be un-traditional this year. We will mark the weekend by doing laundry, cleaning, and restoring the house since none of that has been done since school started!
I'm thrilled to have everyone home for 3 full days where we will ALL pitch in and set things right again. We will do the usual church on Sunday, and to add to all the things to be greatful for, we've been invited to the farm for dinner on Sunday (so there will be some traditional elements!)
I'm so blessed to have so many wonderfully supportive people in my life.
In amongst all that fun and resoration, I do still have papers to write and tests to study for, but I know that this weekend will be filled with happiness, togetherness, and love.
This Thanksgiving I have so much more to be grateful for!
Add to all the usuals, my family who are doing just great at helping to look after each other when I'm away, my new friends at school, my super great supportive teachers, my new reliable car (which btw is only costing me $30 in gas a week!), all the wonderful youth, and friends who have offered to help out when we've been in a pinch, good grades (so far), the fact that I have managed to miss the illness running rampant through my classrooms, and the all around sense of peace I feel.
May we all be blessed this holiday with God's grace, a bountiful harvest, and loved ones to share it all with!
Thursday, September 24, 2009
God Whispers
Many times I have heard that God speaks in whispers. I have always answered that with, "Not in my world!" God has always been a loud, booming voice in my mind, or coming from the mouth of a friend or family memeber, or even a stranger. I learned this week HOW God whispers to me!
The idea of someone whispering to me, seems quite illogical. I can hardly make out the sound of my own voice over the din in my life most days. If it's not the TV, or the radio, or the kids, or the dogs next door, or any other number of things going on in the background, it's all the thoughts that are running around in my brain, even when I TRY to sit quietly!
In the last 2 weeks (of which have been insanely busy!) I have cried twice. Only twice, I swear! Once I knew why I was crying, but the second occasion, left me completely speachless. I had no explaination for the source of my tears.
I was re-assured by my many classmates that tears are the Holy Spirit's way of speaking to us, and it's ok to cry, tears are good signs. All of these things I had heard before and at that moment, while I felt utterly ridiculous for the outburst, these words still held little comfort.
I pondered throughout the rest of the afternoon, and well into the evening about why I seem to, oh so suddenly and inexplicable burst into tears, and frequently it seems.
It was last night, just before I dozed off, that the realization dawned on me! I know exactly WHY, or at least have a great theory about why, the tears where flowing AND where they were coming from, and I finally figured out what the Holy Spirit had to do with it all.
I will try to explain it but, as was uttered in class yesterday, God is too big for words! So here's my attempt. It seems that God perhaps would like to stop yelling at me (in spite of the fact that I love that way of clear, unmistakable communication). He wants to be able to whisper to me. The trouble is, I don't hear it. I think it might be because I'm not used to listening for it. (It's taken me 6 years to hear the yelling clearly!) My thought is, that God needs to get my attention some how so He sends the Holy Spirit to tug at my heart. That tugging causes tears. (I should mention, that crying in public is one of the most embarrassing, horrible things I could do!) By crying, I am humbled and in a position to really listen to what God is saying.
I still can't hear the message clearly, however. I think I will have to test out this theory and see where it leads.
Unexplained tears = God wants to whipser, Pay attention.
When the tears come for no logical reason, I need to really focus on what triggered them, and listen more closely for God's whipser.
I'm not saying that I'll cry less from now on (sorry folks!) but I think this might be a growing point for me.
I'm very excited to realize that the tears don't mean I'm completely insane after all!
The idea of someone whispering to me, seems quite illogical. I can hardly make out the sound of my own voice over the din in my life most days. If it's not the TV, or the radio, or the kids, or the dogs next door, or any other number of things going on in the background, it's all the thoughts that are running around in my brain, even when I TRY to sit quietly!
In the last 2 weeks (of which have been insanely busy!) I have cried twice. Only twice, I swear! Once I knew why I was crying, but the second occasion, left me completely speachless. I had no explaination for the source of my tears.
I was re-assured by my many classmates that tears are the Holy Spirit's way of speaking to us, and it's ok to cry, tears are good signs. All of these things I had heard before and at that moment, while I felt utterly ridiculous for the outburst, these words still held little comfort.
I pondered throughout the rest of the afternoon, and well into the evening about why I seem to, oh so suddenly and inexplicable burst into tears, and frequently it seems.
It was last night, just before I dozed off, that the realization dawned on me! I know exactly WHY, or at least have a great theory about why, the tears where flowing AND where they were coming from, and I finally figured out what the Holy Spirit had to do with it all.
I will try to explain it but, as was uttered in class yesterday, God is too big for words! So here's my attempt. It seems that God perhaps would like to stop yelling at me (in spite of the fact that I love that way of clear, unmistakable communication). He wants to be able to whisper to me. The trouble is, I don't hear it. I think it might be because I'm not used to listening for it. (It's taken me 6 years to hear the yelling clearly!) My thought is, that God needs to get my attention some how so He sends the Holy Spirit to tug at my heart. That tugging causes tears. (I should mention, that crying in public is one of the most embarrassing, horrible things I could do!) By crying, I am humbled and in a position to really listen to what God is saying.
I still can't hear the message clearly, however. I think I will have to test out this theory and see where it leads.
Unexplained tears = God wants to whipser, Pay attention.
When the tears come for no logical reason, I need to really focus on what triggered them, and listen more closely for God's whipser.
I'm not saying that I'll cry less from now on (sorry folks!) but I think this might be a growing point for me.
I'm very excited to realize that the tears don't mean I'm completely insane after all!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Orientation Day!
So, today was the official Orientation Day! I thought I would be terrified, perhaps, as is usual for me, I thought I might actually cry the whole drive in this morning. Turns out, I didn't. (Barb - you'd be proud!!)
My alarm went off about 6:40am (a completely obscene time of day for me!)and as I laid there, contemplating what to put on, I couldn't help but to think of the beautiful weather and how I was going to have to find something comfortable, dressy-ish, and cool for the day in my closet. I rolled out of bed and (eventually) made my way to the closet. I opened the door, and once again cursed the person who created it as it is the most completely disfunctional space ever created! To understand, you have to imagine, a closet that runs the entire span of my room (approximately 15') completely walled off, with only 1 regular sized door to get it. Once inside the 18" wide hallway, I travel to the back where my clothes are and realize, there is really no point trying to pull anything out as it is still pitch black! I stumble back out of the closet/hallway over shoes and make my way to the main floor, muttering to myself about why I would have ever removed the flashlight from the room in the first place.
Returning to the closet, flashlight in hand, I pull out an outfit that seems to match. Upon emerging from the black hole, my darling husband starts to stir, and as he rolls over he says, "So, do you think that perhpas you should set out your clothes the night before?" So now you know, my loving, supportive hubby, is also just plain brilliant!
After dressing, and 3 pairs of underware later to solve the pantyline issue, I was ready to go.
I headed out into the hallway, where my middle child was stiring, and the darling calls out, "I love you mom! Have a good day!" I stop in the doorway to blow him a kiss, and to see the smallest of my angels still sound asleep.
Down the stairs I creep (as much as one can creep in an old house with squeeky stairs) when my oldest, and only girl says, "Is Dad still home?" I assured her that he was, and that he may need her help getting the boys lunch ready, kiss her goodbye and head to the kitchen.
One last quick stop to toss the lunch prepared the night before into the lunch bag, and I am off. All this and it's only 7:15am!
The drive to the school was sunny and beautiful. Shortly after leaving town, my cell phone rings, and it's one of my great friends calling to wish me a good day! We speak briefly (with the aid of bluetooth!) and make plans to meet for lunch.
I arrive at the school, with a few minutes to spare, and make one last call home to make sure that everything is going well, and Mike has found all the lunch foods. After reminding him where to find the kettle (it's been in the same location for more than 6 months!) and after he asures me that all is fine, I head to chapel.
Entering the halls, I see a few students that I reconginze from the open house I attended in the spring, and feel, strangly ... comfortable.
Chapel was, well, church. The 2 things I will always remember of this particular service will be the Dean's opening statements of his sermon, where he told the story about how he had wanted to take the opportunity to tell someone to 'go to hell'. That was a, holy cow moment. Apparently, the first sermon of my schooling illustrated how priests are still human. (In the Dean's defence, there was much more to this sermon, but this is the story that will stick with me!) The second thing that will always stick with me, was that the host and wine used in their Eucharist, was... well.... terrible!! The host was thick and stale tasting, and not even the wine could wash away the terrible taste of it! Now, I've been communing for many years, and I can honestly say, I have never had a wafer that was ever this thick, hard, and yucky before! I wasn't sure if I was allowed to chew it, or if I had to wait for it to dissolve in my mouth. It certainly didn't help that as I was kneeling at the rail, I also happened to have the great privilege to be positioned directly in front of the Dean's knees! What to do, chew or pray it dissolved?? So, I tried, as discreetly as I could to break up the wafer before the cup came by.
As chapel ended, we all made our way to the Great Hall for the info session. I joined a group of fellow students, new and old, as well as faculty, new and old for 1 hour of info and icebreakers.
This all went well, and I was surprised to find that I was very comfortable.
After this, one of the 3rd year students that I had previously met, took me on a quick tour and introduced me to one of his friends. While we were standing in the sun, the Rector of the college appeared. This man I had met before at services. We had sang in a choir together, and he had led a number of services that I had been participating in. He is a large man, and in all his robes, he brings to mind, Hagrid from the Harry Potter series. The man, by all accounts, is a big, gentle, teddy bear, however, standing next to him, was definately an intimidating moment. He engages the other students in conversation and makes the connection of where we had met. I was once again amazed at the human-ness of this man. He was, a big, gentle, teddy bear. As this realization dawns of me, I look up and him and blurt out, "wow... you are not as scary as I first thought!" Now that brought some chuckles, and required some explaining, so I shared that I had always been kinda intimidated by him, but was glad to see that it was un-necessary, and would be sure to stop in at his office for a chat at a later date.
At this point, my phone rang, and my girl friend was ready to meet for lunch. I said my goodbyes and headed to meet her. We drove down to the mall to pick up some necessities, and lunch.
I returned back to campus an hour early for the Dean's Reception, so I headed to a lounge that my new friend Marty had showed me. There I found 2 other new students, and we spent the next hour talking and getting to know each other.
We were eventually joined by a few more students, and a professor who was also new to the school.
The reception was a nice opportunity to meet and mingle with other students of all years.
I returned home, and by 8:30pm, I was officially exhausted. Seems these early mornings are going to be harder than I thought! That said, I now must turn in for the night. There will be lots more to share I'm sure as classes start tomorrow at 8:30am!!
My alarm went off about 6:40am (a completely obscene time of day for me!)and as I laid there, contemplating what to put on, I couldn't help but to think of the beautiful weather and how I was going to have to find something comfortable, dressy-ish, and cool for the day in my closet. I rolled out of bed and (eventually) made my way to the closet. I opened the door, and once again cursed the person who created it as it is the most completely disfunctional space ever created! To understand, you have to imagine, a closet that runs the entire span of my room (approximately 15') completely walled off, with only 1 regular sized door to get it. Once inside the 18" wide hallway, I travel to the back where my clothes are and realize, there is really no point trying to pull anything out as it is still pitch black! I stumble back out of the closet/hallway over shoes and make my way to the main floor, muttering to myself about why I would have ever removed the flashlight from the room in the first place.
Returning to the closet, flashlight in hand, I pull out an outfit that seems to match. Upon emerging from the black hole, my darling husband starts to stir, and as he rolls over he says, "So, do you think that perhpas you should set out your clothes the night before?" So now you know, my loving, supportive hubby, is also just plain brilliant!
After dressing, and 3 pairs of underware later to solve the pantyline issue, I was ready to go.
I headed out into the hallway, where my middle child was stiring, and the darling calls out, "I love you mom! Have a good day!" I stop in the doorway to blow him a kiss, and to see the smallest of my angels still sound asleep.
Down the stairs I creep (as much as one can creep in an old house with squeeky stairs) when my oldest, and only girl says, "Is Dad still home?" I assured her that he was, and that he may need her help getting the boys lunch ready, kiss her goodbye and head to the kitchen.
One last quick stop to toss the lunch prepared the night before into the lunch bag, and I am off. All this and it's only 7:15am!
The drive to the school was sunny and beautiful. Shortly after leaving town, my cell phone rings, and it's one of my great friends calling to wish me a good day! We speak briefly (with the aid of bluetooth!) and make plans to meet for lunch.
I arrive at the school, with a few minutes to spare, and make one last call home to make sure that everything is going well, and Mike has found all the lunch foods. After reminding him where to find the kettle (it's been in the same location for more than 6 months!) and after he asures me that all is fine, I head to chapel.
Entering the halls, I see a few students that I reconginze from the open house I attended in the spring, and feel, strangly ... comfortable.
Chapel was, well, church. The 2 things I will always remember of this particular service will be the Dean's opening statements of his sermon, where he told the story about how he had wanted to take the opportunity to tell someone to 'go to hell'. That was a, holy cow moment. Apparently, the first sermon of my schooling illustrated how priests are still human. (In the Dean's defence, there was much more to this sermon, but this is the story that will stick with me!) The second thing that will always stick with me, was that the host and wine used in their Eucharist, was... well.... terrible!! The host was thick and stale tasting, and not even the wine could wash away the terrible taste of it! Now, I've been communing for many years, and I can honestly say, I have never had a wafer that was ever this thick, hard, and yucky before! I wasn't sure if I was allowed to chew it, or if I had to wait for it to dissolve in my mouth. It certainly didn't help that as I was kneeling at the rail, I also happened to have the great privilege to be positioned directly in front of the Dean's knees! What to do, chew or pray it dissolved?? So, I tried, as discreetly as I could to break up the wafer before the cup came by.
As chapel ended, we all made our way to the Great Hall for the info session. I joined a group of fellow students, new and old, as well as faculty, new and old for 1 hour of info and icebreakers.
This all went well, and I was surprised to find that I was very comfortable.
After this, one of the 3rd year students that I had previously met, took me on a quick tour and introduced me to one of his friends. While we were standing in the sun, the Rector of the college appeared. This man I had met before at services. We had sang in a choir together, and he had led a number of services that I had been participating in. He is a large man, and in all his robes, he brings to mind, Hagrid from the Harry Potter series. The man, by all accounts, is a big, gentle, teddy bear, however, standing next to him, was definately an intimidating moment. He engages the other students in conversation and makes the connection of where we had met. I was once again amazed at the human-ness of this man. He was, a big, gentle, teddy bear. As this realization dawns of me, I look up and him and blurt out, "wow... you are not as scary as I first thought!" Now that brought some chuckles, and required some explaining, so I shared that I had always been kinda intimidated by him, but was glad to see that it was un-necessary, and would be sure to stop in at his office for a chat at a later date.
At this point, my phone rang, and my girl friend was ready to meet for lunch. I said my goodbyes and headed to meet her. We drove down to the mall to pick up some necessities, and lunch.
I returned back to campus an hour early for the Dean's Reception, so I headed to a lounge that my new friend Marty had showed me. There I found 2 other new students, and we spent the next hour talking and getting to know each other.
We were eventually joined by a few more students, and a professor who was also new to the school.
The reception was a nice opportunity to meet and mingle with other students of all years.
I returned home, and by 8:30pm, I was officially exhausted. Seems these early mornings are going to be harder than I thought! That said, I now must turn in for the night. There will be lots more to share I'm sure as classes start tomorrow at 8:30am!!
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Back to School Shopping
Back to school shopping has been a tradition for many years with me. As a student, I always loved the day my Dad would pack us up in the car to go on this adventure, and over the last 6 or so years, I have enjoyed this with my own 3 children every August. There is something about the cooler nights, and the leaves changing color that sets my heart fluttering in anticipation of a new school year.
I finished my BA (in Music and Law at Carleton University) way back in, well... I'm not going to tell you how way back, you can just trust me that it's been a while. So school shopping has not been for ME in quite some time.
This past week, a friend of mine (who is also a Mom and has recently gone back to school) and I headed out to the stores to get OURSELVES some back to school supplies.
This trip set my heart racing rather than fluttering! I felt a bit like I did at 13 when I was starting high school. I have no idea what I need, what the 'other kids' will be using. I just want to 'fit in'. So, to remedy this gut-wrenching situation, I fbd (facebook-d - yes, I have played into that time sucking website!) a fellow student already in his 3rd year for advice.
Upon not receiving an immediate response (apparently I'm not the center of the universe!) I headed out the door to Future Shop, Wal-Mart, Staples, Best Buy, and Chapters just to name a few, in search of the perfect equipment for myself.
In short, I was shocked at how little I saw that appealed to me (as a MATURE, lol, student) and how expensive everything was that I did like.
We spent a good portion of the excursion, joking about whether we should get the 'tinkerbell' or the 'Hannah Montana' licenced merchandise, or spend the big bucks on a beautiful, masculine, leather briefcase. Those seemed to be the options.
There were pens, and pencils, highlighters, and all the regular supplies, but somehow, I just had a really hard time, deciding on what was right for me.
One of the last stores we went to was Chapters. There I did manage to spend some of money. I found a staple-less stapler (a true find, that I had been coveting since Rick showed me his!), a pencil case , made out of recycled cotton and pop bottles, and a notebook made completely recycled materials. What you need to know about these purchases is this: Since I returned from a National Youth Gathering in Whitehorse last summer, where Pastor Fred Ludolf challenged the youth (and their leaders) to go green and help to show our churches and communities how to be good "Stewards of Creation", my life has been a series of weighing cost against 'green'. But that is a whole other blog post!
At the last store, my girlfriend purchased her laptop, and I found a lunch bag, that 'would do'. The end result.. money spent, and little to show for it, although the purchases were mainly enviro friendly.
I still feel no where near prepared for school to start, and although I did end up receiving some great advise about being myself, and not trying to fit in. Being an individual is important and being true to who you are is even more so.
Perhaps this part of the journey is to learn that it's not about 'stuff' and more about the person I am, and who God wants me to be.
I finished my BA (in Music and Law at Carleton University) way back in, well... I'm not going to tell you how way back, you can just trust me that it's been a while. So school shopping has not been for ME in quite some time.
This past week, a friend of mine (who is also a Mom and has recently gone back to school) and I headed out to the stores to get OURSELVES some back to school supplies.
This trip set my heart racing rather than fluttering! I felt a bit like I did at 13 when I was starting high school. I have no idea what I need, what the 'other kids' will be using. I just want to 'fit in'. So, to remedy this gut-wrenching situation, I fbd (facebook-d - yes, I have played into that time sucking website!) a fellow student already in his 3rd year for advice.
Upon not receiving an immediate response (apparently I'm not the center of the universe!) I headed out the door to Future Shop, Wal-Mart, Staples, Best Buy, and Chapters just to name a few, in search of the perfect equipment for myself.
In short, I was shocked at how little I saw that appealed to me (as a MATURE, lol, student) and how expensive everything was that I did like.
We spent a good portion of the excursion, joking about whether we should get the 'tinkerbell' or the 'Hannah Montana' licenced merchandise, or spend the big bucks on a beautiful, masculine, leather briefcase. Those seemed to be the options.
There were pens, and pencils, highlighters, and all the regular supplies, but somehow, I just had a really hard time, deciding on what was right for me.
One of the last stores we went to was Chapters. There I did manage to spend some of money. I found a staple-less stapler (a true find, that I had been coveting since Rick showed me his!), a pencil case , made out of recycled cotton and pop bottles, and a notebook made completely recycled materials. What you need to know about these purchases is this: Since I returned from a National Youth Gathering in Whitehorse last summer, where Pastor Fred Ludolf challenged the youth (and their leaders) to go green and help to show our churches and communities how to be good "Stewards of Creation", my life has been a series of weighing cost against 'green'. But that is a whole other blog post!
At the last store, my girlfriend purchased her laptop, and I found a lunch bag, that 'would do'. The end result.. money spent, and little to show for it, although the purchases were mainly enviro friendly.
I still feel no where near prepared for school to start, and although I did end up receiving some great advise about being myself, and not trying to fit in. Being an individual is important and being true to who you are is even more so.
Perhaps this part of the journey is to learn that it's not about 'stuff' and more about the person I am, and who God wants me to be.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
What Have I Done??!!
So, being fully registered for school, I took a trip to the University book store to beat the rush and pick up any books that were already available. Ok, ok.... more just cause I wanted to go onto campus as an "official student". In any case, I made use of this trip to pick up 4 of my textbooks that were available. And what a shock! It's amazing I didn't drop dead of a heart attack right then and there!
The first shock came, when my friend Claudia (who was being ever so helpful) dropped a Hebew textbook in my hands. It was at that moment, that my heart seemed to stop, the room started to spin, and my lunch began to churn. As I stared at the book, that was only a few centimeters thick, with it's odd series of squiggles and markings, I realized that not only was it covered an a foreign language, but the book opened backwards and the authors name was written on the top. The whole book was backwards. I took it from her, and turned it over in my hands trying to figure out if it was perhpas mis-printed or bound wrong. It was at that very moment that the words flew out of my mouth... "What have I done??" I began to wonder if perhaps I should have listened to all those people who said Greek was the way to go.
As I stood in shock, mouth hanging open, staring at the book, Claudia's 9 year old son gazed up at me, and I began to pray, yet again. "O Lord! Please, please, please let this be the wrong book!!"
As has been the custom, God answered. It was indeed NOT the book I needed and once again my heart began to beat.
I continued to search, somewhat clumsily, and with the help of one of the bookstore employees for the remainder of the available books and came up with 4 . (I appologize to all staff, and fellow students if I appeared incredibly inept! I'm sure some 18 year old was sniggering on the other side of the shelves!)
After browsing around at the college wear and scoping out everyone's Christmas gifts (sorry guys.... I guess I just spoiled it.. you're all getting Western Wear for Christmas this year!), I made my way to the cash to pay for said 4 books.
Well, if the Hebrew text didn't do me in, the next conversation almost did!
To ease you into this, you have to know something about me. I am a huge reader. I LOVE books, admittedly, they are one of my big vices. I am always waiting for them to go on sale. I rarely pay full price for a book, and if I do, it had better be a great read!
So, I arrive at the cash with all 4 books in my arm (which is now feeling like rubber as they were quite heavy!), all new and shiny and fresh, as there were no used editions. The cashier, was a pleasant young lady. She was likely working there to put herself through her first degree (she was that young!). She pleasently greeted me and rang through my books, and then looked up at me, with her big doe eyes, and perfect smile and said, "That will be $165 please."
Once again my jaw hit the floor, and I muttered, "What have I done?!"
I handed over the credit card, closed my eyes and waited.
Sweetly, she looked at me and said,"It's ok, that's not that bad." It wouldn't have been so bad if that had been all the books I needed to purchase, but that was only half of what was required for the FIRST TERM alone!
It has been 15 years (don't tell anyone!) since I purchased University texts, and I had forgotten just how expensive they are.
If anyone out there happens to have used texts they are wanting to get rid of.. please, message me and I'll share my book list!!
It's been about a week now since this incident, and although there are moments when I still ask, "What have I done?" I have accepted the fact, that I need to be challenged in order to grow, and as long as God allows me into heaven when I actually have a heart attack, I'll do my best to roll with it, and allow myself to be moulded by my creator.
The first shock came, when my friend Claudia (who was being ever so helpful) dropped a Hebew textbook in my hands. It was at that moment, that my heart seemed to stop, the room started to spin, and my lunch began to churn. As I stared at the book, that was only a few centimeters thick, with it's odd series of squiggles and markings, I realized that not only was it covered an a foreign language, but the book opened backwards and the authors name was written on the top. The whole book was backwards. I took it from her, and turned it over in my hands trying to figure out if it was perhpas mis-printed or bound wrong. It was at that very moment that the words flew out of my mouth... "What have I done??" I began to wonder if perhaps I should have listened to all those people who said Greek was the way to go.
As I stood in shock, mouth hanging open, staring at the book, Claudia's 9 year old son gazed up at me, and I began to pray, yet again. "O Lord! Please, please, please let this be the wrong book!!"
As has been the custom, God answered. It was indeed NOT the book I needed and once again my heart began to beat.
I continued to search, somewhat clumsily, and with the help of one of the bookstore employees for the remainder of the available books and came up with 4 . (I appologize to all staff, and fellow students if I appeared incredibly inept! I'm sure some 18 year old was sniggering on the other side of the shelves!)
After browsing around at the college wear and scoping out everyone's Christmas gifts (sorry guys.... I guess I just spoiled it.. you're all getting Western Wear for Christmas this year!), I made my way to the cash to pay for said 4 books.
Well, if the Hebrew text didn't do me in, the next conversation almost did!
To ease you into this, you have to know something about me. I am a huge reader. I LOVE books, admittedly, they are one of my big vices. I am always waiting for them to go on sale. I rarely pay full price for a book, and if I do, it had better be a great read!
So, I arrive at the cash with all 4 books in my arm (which is now feeling like rubber as they were quite heavy!), all new and shiny and fresh, as there were no used editions. The cashier, was a pleasant young lady. She was likely working there to put herself through her first degree (she was that young!). She pleasently greeted me and rang through my books, and then looked up at me, with her big doe eyes, and perfect smile and said, "That will be $165 please."
Once again my jaw hit the floor, and I muttered, "What have I done?!"
I handed over the credit card, closed my eyes and waited.
Sweetly, she looked at me and said,"It's ok, that's not that bad." It wouldn't have been so bad if that had been all the books I needed to purchase, but that was only half of what was required for the FIRST TERM alone!
It has been 15 years (don't tell anyone!) since I purchased University texts, and I had forgotten just how expensive they are.
If anyone out there happens to have used texts they are wanting to get rid of.. please, message me and I'll share my book list!!
It's been about a week now since this incident, and although there are moments when I still ask, "What have I done?" I have accepted the fact, that I need to be challenged in order to grow, and as long as God allows me into heaven when I actually have a heart attack, I'll do my best to roll with it, and allow myself to be moulded by my creator.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
My Dear Wormwood
Today has been a day of highs and lows for me. I guess that is just the way things are in all our lives, though. A series of events that either leave us in one position or the other.
I recently read C S Lewis's "The Screwtape Letters", and it has given me a new way of looking at the 'down' parts of my day.
I'll start by sharing the 'up' side. I had a great productive day at the office, working on creating Sunday School Lessons for the coming weeks, looking at the services I had coming up, and in general, basking in the glow of a church coming to life.
My main focus for today was to get myself registered for school. I needed some help, and the parish priest was more than willing to help me. Truth be told, I'm not sure which one of us was more excited about the prospect of my actually registering. (I am so very greatful for all the encouragement and do realize how blessed I am!!)
With all the bugs removed from the system, it took little over an hour to completely register for all 10 of my classes and to print out a book list (as it was available).
I can't begin to explain the great 'high' it was to feel like I was finally officially a student again, and I was feeling prepared to take on whatever was thrown in my path, after all, God has been providing throughout the whole journey to this point, there was no reason to think He wouldn't continue.
This all came to a startling end when I had a horrible feeling of guilt wash over me.
What in the world was I doing going back to school when I have 3 young children? My daughter, being only 11, and the oldest, was who I was thinking of. The guilt of leaving her to care for her younger brothers, and to leave them all to do this was so overwhelming, it was impossible to hold back a wave of tears.
Fortunately, God was there, even in my doubt, as this all occured with my ever supportive hubby sitting next to me. Although he (Mike) was laughing at me, in his own way, he was lending me the support and encouragement I needed at that moment.
So what does Screwtape have to do with all this? Reflecting this evening on this day of great leaps forward, contrasted with the episode of guilt, I couldn't help but think about how Uncle Screwtape would be encouraging Wormwood to play on that guilt, and ever widen that gap of doubt. I could just hear his advice to his nephew, encouraging Wormwood to play with those feelings, to find the small crack and grasp a hold and force it further open. How fortunate for me, my creator had other plans!
As I wind down for the night, I am aware of all of todays blessings and I'm excited to see what blessings tomorrow will bring.
I recently read C S Lewis's "The Screwtape Letters", and it has given me a new way of looking at the 'down' parts of my day.
I'll start by sharing the 'up' side. I had a great productive day at the office, working on creating Sunday School Lessons for the coming weeks, looking at the services I had coming up, and in general, basking in the glow of a church coming to life.
My main focus for today was to get myself registered for school. I needed some help, and the parish priest was more than willing to help me. Truth be told, I'm not sure which one of us was more excited about the prospect of my actually registering. (I am so very greatful for all the encouragement and do realize how blessed I am!!)
With all the bugs removed from the system, it took little over an hour to completely register for all 10 of my classes and to print out a book list (as it was available).
I can't begin to explain the great 'high' it was to feel like I was finally officially a student again, and I was feeling prepared to take on whatever was thrown in my path, after all, God has been providing throughout the whole journey to this point, there was no reason to think He wouldn't continue.
This all came to a startling end when I had a horrible feeling of guilt wash over me.
What in the world was I doing going back to school when I have 3 young children? My daughter, being only 11, and the oldest, was who I was thinking of. The guilt of leaving her to care for her younger brothers, and to leave them all to do this was so overwhelming, it was impossible to hold back a wave of tears.
Fortunately, God was there, even in my doubt, as this all occured with my ever supportive hubby sitting next to me. Although he (Mike) was laughing at me, in his own way, he was lending me the support and encouragement I needed at that moment.
So what does Screwtape have to do with all this? Reflecting this evening on this day of great leaps forward, contrasted with the episode of guilt, I couldn't help but think about how Uncle Screwtape would be encouraging Wormwood to play on that guilt, and ever widen that gap of doubt. I could just hear his advice to his nephew, encouraging Wormwood to play with those feelings, to find the small crack and grasp a hold and force it further open. How fortunate for me, my creator had other plans!
As I wind down for the night, I am aware of all of todays blessings and I'm excited to see what blessings tomorrow will bring.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Welcome to the Road
Thanks so much for joining me on my journey. I have had so many people ask me, how do you go from mom to seminary student? How did this happen? So, I hope that by blogging, I can share how this has all come about and how life changes for me through my years at seminary. Let's hit the road!
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