Week 4

This week I have been given the opportunity to reflect on a number of things such as the importance of having a portable religion, the idea of “Do unto others” as well as I looked at some of my learning goals, boundary issues in particular.
With one visit this week, I was amazed to find myself pondering what it means to have a portable religion, and what a blessing a portable faith is. In visiting with a patient, I came to realize that she had a great desire to go to the Anglican church. I have not seen her in chapel, which made me think about what is available to her in this hospital, and where she is comfortable. It occurred to me that while everyone is doing their best to provide a wonderfully neutral multi-faith based style of worship and spiritual care program, what happens to those who don’t relate well to that? Is one size fits all multi-faith good for everyone? What happens to those who come from a very traditional faith base, who miss their liturgy, who miss the comfort of knowing what happens when, who miss big parts of their belief system because of the attempt at a broad stroke approach to worship. While the Catholic Mass is said once a week usually, what about the Anglicans, and the Lutherans, to name a few in particular who get left out in the worship planning. For example, a basic element of worship within those two traditions, a confession, must be included, without it, I might venture to say that it would not be considered worship. The multi-faith approach seems to miss out on touching things like this, that I am sure are intrinsic in all faith bases, while they may be different.
This led me to think on what it meant to have a portable religion or faith. What a joy it was for a patient to receive something as simple as a prayer book. I have found myself wondering what I might miss should I end up hospitalized here in this facility. My faith, which is a huge part of who I am, would be one of the things that I feel would suffer. There is no coming together for a traditional worship here that would be suited to me, while I do enjoy the worship services, I miss the tradition. I have wondered if having my own hymnal/prayer book would be enough to allow me to at least practice my faith on my own at some point, and how or if having something that portable would be sufficient to ground me in my faith. I think, at least for me, having something of my tradition, something familiar would be such a blessing.
I think in this I have learned that Pastoral Care, at least for me in this place, just may include some special attention and care given to those who miss their grounding in the traditions of their faith.
The second thing I have pondered this week, has been the idea of “do unto others”. I wonder sometimes, how to do that and still honour the other. How do I do to others, what they need, when that is definitely not what I would need, want or even be comfortable with?
The situation in particular I have been thinking about is a conversation I had with a patient. The patient dropped a few really obvious and clear topics for further discussion, and while I managed to hold my boundaries, I now find myself struggling with a whole new issue.

I know for me, that I tend to talk out my issues. If I had dropped such big hints in a conversation, and that person came to me a week or more later and questioned me, there is a very good chance that I would have either already worked through that, or it wasn’t really all that important and I will have forgotten. This leads me to struggle a bit with the idea that I feel that I am expected to go back to this patient and bring up this conversation when that is clearly not what I would have “done unto me”. I have been turning this over now, and trying to come up with ways to broach the subject still allowing her to bring it up again if it suits her.
This brings me to look at what does this little rule mean and how does that impact our own personal boundaries as well as those of others. How do we determine what it is we are supposed to do to others, when it is very likely different than what we would like to have done for us? This is something that I will need to think more about.
In reflecting on what I would have “done unto me” I began to wonder about IPR and why it doesn’t seem to be doing much for me. I feel able to contribute, comfortable in being in a conversation, and learning by absorbing what others are saying and thinking, but I’m not feeling like I’m really benefiting, either from a learning stand point or a growing curve. I just find that it is a flat conversation most of the time. In reflecting on this, I have given much thought to the idea that group discussion about areas of growth or concerns are just not for me. I would rather have individual conversations with a number of people rather than a group discussion. I know that I am very relational. I know that I am a very intimate person. Having a conversation with more than one or two other people at any given time is not intimate enough. I thought about why that might be, and if it could play into the fear of being judged, but I don’t think it does. While that can certainly be a concern, it’s not really what I’m feeling. I don’t know that there are necessarily negative feelings in me that arise in a group discussion, it’s just not something that I feel I get a lot out of. I tend to have the same conversation with five people, but not all at the same time, in the same room. I suppose that I need to think more on this.
In spite of the IPR seeming to not be the best forum for me, I am glad to be in a group with people who will listen to me when I need an ear, perhaps in a less formal setting.
This week I have learned a bit about myself. I have been challenged to think about the things I do, and why I do them. That is been a great experience. I have had wonderful opportunities to explore these feelings with some great friends, and have been able to enjoy doing it. How fortunate I am!